My friend Sandy sent me this in email at work from an unknown source.  I enjoyed it so much I thought I would share.  Have a read, enjoy and tell me at least half of this doesn’t ring true for you and your furball(s)?  :)

The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

Dear Dogs and Cats:
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort.  However, dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years – canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat’s butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

NOTICE TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

(1) They live here. You don’t.
(2) If you don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That’s why they call it ‘fur’-niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don’t speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

(1) eat less
(2) don’t ask for money all the time
(3) are easier to train
(4) normally come when called
(5) never ask to drive the car
(6) don’t hang out with drug-using people
(7) don’t smoke or drink
(8) don’t want to wear your clothes
(9) don’t have to buy the latest fashions
(10) don’t need a gazillion dollars for college and
(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

Your Faithful Owner…

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After having no less than four different individuals tell me this week how tired I looked (face it, we all know that’s just a polite way of saying you look horrible)  I lay awake one night, trying to think about why I am indeed so tired, it hit me… while logic might suggest it’s the insane schedule at work,  I suspect that instead it has something to do with our little “bed hog” we call Isabella. 

I lay there while she is snoozing away comfortably and I realize the amount of contortion my body is in to accommodate her.  It’s not entirely her fault I must concede, as I am certainly guilty of adjusting my own body position to take advantage of her radiating heat.  Who needs an extra blanket when you have a dachshund under the covers?  Nonetheless, at this point I realize I’m extremely uncomfortable and I’m sure my discomfort is due to the fact that she is stretched out crossways instead of lengthwise in the bed.  A few adjustments, ah…comfort AND warmth!  I know however that before dawn arrives I will likely go through this same pattern of adjustment a few more times.  Why must she fight the natural alignment of the bed?  Why must she lay with her butt on the pillow and her head declined?  Doesn’t the blood rush to her head?  Comfort and warmth aside however, I now lay there in the wee late hours WIDE AWAKE… 

 I’m a light sleeper anyway and a typical night follows a similar pattern at our house.  It goes something like this:  

First, Isabella plays a few rounds of “bed hopping” as we like to call it. This is her trying to decide where she will begin her evening of slumber.  I say begin because the evening usually includes several rounds.  

Fifteen minutes here, thirty minutes there and we all join in for a quick rendition of ”make up your mind silly girl and just decide”!  The problem is, even once she decides and we are all settled in snug as bugs in a rug…she usually continues to play by herself.  

She will get up and go check on Bubby or her momma and just when I find myself teetering on the brink of sleep I hear the familiar jingle of her “necklace” (aka collar and tags) as she attempts to jump back into my bed… which of course she can’t quite make…not without several tries anyway, which leads to a guilt trip because of the whole dachshund bad back problem and so on…  So, I sit up and lean over the edge of the bed to lift her up and what does she do???  Of course she backs up just out of reach…Argh, now we play a few rounds of this where I lay back down, she whimpers, I sit up to help, she steps back out of reach and now I’m sure I hear her mockingly singing nah, nah, nana boo boo…  I know where she learned this too! It was one of Sasha’s favorite games as a puppy, that and drop the toy off the edge of the bed to see how many times I’ll pick it up for her! (which  she also taught Isabella, but that’s another post.)

Once in bed and settled in, she migrates into the aforementioned body position.  Readjustment…Rinse and repeat…you get the picture.  No wonder I’m not sleeping well.

Isabella never used to sleep with me but when Sasha passed away and her Momma was still off at college she started sleeping with me pretty consistently.  (This of course has her mother quite upset now that she has moved back home from school and Isabella has not settled back into sleeping with her regularly again but this is yet another post.) 

So as I finally settle back into slumber, I start thinking about how both Sasha, and now Isabella too sleep stretched out so long, at least at night.  Who would think this was a small little miniature dachshund laying down the entire length of my leg?   If I think about how they sleep during the day it’s quite different!    During the day, unless playing or basking in the sun, they are usually in variations of two positions. It really depends on the message they wish to convey… 

The first, I call the typical dachshund multi-purpose.  

 It can be used in several situations:

• What, I didn’t do it! Look at me, I’m so innocent, I would NEVER!
• You’re about to leave without me aren’t’ you? How DARE you leave me alone again!
• My ball rolled under the couch and I’m so sad because NO ONE will help me get it back for the 100th time!
• Whatever you’re eating sure looks tasty! If you loved me you’d let me have some!

The second is the standard “cat-nap” pose…curled up with their nose tucked neatly near their rear end.  Let me just say one thing: nothing looks more precious!  So calm and quiet and innocent <looking>.

Maybe all dogs do this? Sleep differently day vs night.  I rarely wake up and find Isabella curled up at night! Is it comfort?  Maybe exhausted from the day?  I mean, they must be worn out from a busy day of squirrel chasing, tail wagging and trouble making, not to mention all the cat napping?   

 Well, whatever the reason, I’m happy that she’s getting a good night’s sleep in the end but her nights of “ring-around-the-bed posts” are leaving me waking in the morning still just plain dog tired…

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Having been confused with my feelings about the holidays  for most of my life, I was really dreading this season and how hard it might be as our first Christmas without Sasha.   The first bittersweet feelings  began when the store Christmas displays started popping up the day-after Halloween.  That’s when it always starts for me, the little burning sensation inside of anxiety.  While  the world quickly becomes consumed with finding that elusive Elmo doll, I begin the internal torment of bringing on myself an undeserved fear of the holidays.

 The good news is this year things were, well, a little different.  I made it through Christmas much easier than I thought I would.  Oh there were tears for sure, but not the kind I expected.   I felt as if Sasha was around in sprit, determined to take the typical confusion of the holiday and give it a purpose.   This year, I knew why I was sad…  Oddly comforted, Christmas was spent enjoying a nice quiet day with the kids.  (BTW, having grown kids ROCKS!  It’s a whole different dynamic, especially when you all like each other. )

 Here we are on New Year’s day!  A day for reflection, a day for new beginnings.  A few tears of sadness, a few tears of joyful memories and a lot of hope and excitement for the future!  Sasha will continue to sprinkle my days with her memories and I pray that never changes.   She’s right there in the distance with Grandma Susie, enjoying a better place!

 My New Year’s wish to everyone is “May your fond memories of those lost before you bring you strength to rally through the difficult trials life brings.”

 A new year, a new beginning, a new outlook…let’s see what 2010 has in store!

Happy New Year to all!

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